More random fuckery from the crazy ass world of Bob

Roger phoned me up one Saturday morning and told me to get round to his house straight away.
When I asked him what it was about, he said: "Don't ask questions you shitty fuckstump, just get your arse round here pronto."
I did as I was told.
When I got there, I found his house decked out with rosettes and bunting. The place was crowded with people I'd never seen before and they were all busy with bundles of leaflets and mobile phones.
"What's going on?" I asked Roger when I found him.
"I'm standing for election to the European Parliament," he said, "and I'm going to need your help on the hustings."
"What are you standing for?" I asked him.
"I'm standing on a pro-business, pro-porn, anti non-smokers ticket," he said, "my main policy will be to round up everyone who doesn't smoke and hang them by their thumbs from every available lamp post until they agree to start smoking."
"Don't you think that's a bit extreme?" I asked, timidly.
"Don't oppress me you fascist!" he shouted.