Life of Bob | Council

"I was tied to my bed for five days.
I was released by the council after the neighbours complained about the smell.
The council worker who cut me free wanted me to fill out a form.
"You have to fill out a form," he said.
"What for?" I asked.
"It's a legal requirement," he explained, "you may be entitled to compensation if you sustained injuries, emotional damage or loss of income due to accidents on council property."
"Oh right," I said.
I started to fill out the form. When I got to the bit that said: Explain in your own words what happened, I said: "What do I put for this bit?"
He said: "You explain in your own words what happened to you."
"Oh," I said, then put: 'I paid a whore to tie me up and spank me, but she didn't spank me. She just tied me up and went off with some bloke and I was stuck here for five days'.
I expect the cheque will arrive quite soon.