I fucking hate apples

"You're going to have to do me a favour," Roger was saying.
"Oh? What's that?" I asked.
"You're going to have to film the pissplay for me," he said.
"But I wouldn't know what to do," I protested, "I've never done that sort of thing before and besides, if Julia ever found out, it would ruin my chances with her forever."
"Don't argue with me you ponce valve, just get my fucking camera and get over to Sadie's house. This is all your fucking fault, I should never have listened to advice from a swollen ball sac like you. Now I promised Crusty Fred I'd have the video ready for him by six o'clock- and if he doesn't get it, he'll be round here shoving your head up my arse. So fuck off and get filming you sorry wank-tweezer."
At least I think that was what he said. It was quite difficult to understand him what with all the bandages and the beeping machines.