Gerbil

They made me go and see a psychiatrist to decide whether I could be trusted to do my job again.
He was a very serious-looking man with a beard and bushy eyebrows who kept asking me how I felt about my mother, and then looking at me very intently as I gave him my answers.
I told him that, while I loved my mother very dearly, I couldn't forgive her for the time I'd seen her having sex with all those dwarves. I also added that the time I'd been tarred and feathered had perhaps been an overly strict punishment, even though it was because I'd accidentally set fire to my dad. And finally, I told him that I still resented her for the time that she'd lent my pet gerbil to her bisexual boyfriend.
He didn't say anything at the time, but I later found out that he'd said in my report that I was like an "Idiot Savant", only without the "Savant" bit.

 

 

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We would like to reassure our patrons that no gerbils were harmed during the making of this week's story

 (although we did have to club a few vegans to death)