HAPPY NOWWWWWWWW????

I was on the news that night.
On my way out of Roger's ward, somebody shoved a camera in my face and a woman asked me all sorts of questions whilst pointing a microphone at me.
I told her that, while I was not religious myself, I appreciated the feelings of people of other faiths and the fact that this event meant so much to them. But, I added, the mattress was beginning to stink a bit and, if it was a message from God, surely they'd all got it by now, and maybe it should be cleaned what with all the MRSA going about and so on.
After my interview had appeared on the telly, there followed a studio discussion between an Archbishop, a leading atheist and the presenter.
The Archbishop said I was a classic example of the cynical, anti-Christian and morally-sodomised generation and that I had been utterly and irreversibly brainwashed by junk food and pornography.
The atheist said that, while he broadly concurred with my stance, he was nonetheless appalled that such an "obvious intellectual quadriplegic" could espouse such views and there was a very real danger that my intervention could set the humanist movement back by centuries.
The presenter just said I was a twat.