IT'S LIFE OF BOB YOU FUCKERS!!!

I once persuaded my now ex-wife Susan to get involved in the swinging scene.
I'd seen a program on the telly and it seemed like fun. She was reluctant at first, but eventually I persuaded her. I told her that it had worked for the people on the telly and it would bring us closer together.
We put an ad in a specialist magazine and pretty soon we had a few responses. One couple in particular caught our attention and as it happened they lived quite locally so we got in touch. After a few telephone conversations, we decided to have dinner at their house.
They were very nice. They were both friendly, and the woman - Julia her name was - was exceptionally beautiful. After dinner, my wife and the man decided to go upstairs together. Pretty soon, there was a lot of noise up there and the ceiling was moving slightly.
Julia smiled at me kindly and made conversation about her interest in gardening.
"FUCK ME! FUCK ME HARDER YOU BASTARD!" my wife was shouting.
I was very excited and moved closer to Julia. I started stroking her breast but she gently took my hand away and said that perhaps it wasn't a good idea because she wasn't feeling very well.
As she carried on talking about her passion for gardening, she had to raise her voice to be heard above my wife's screams.
"FILL MY SHITHOLE! FILL MY FUCKING SHITHOLE!" Susan bellowed.
Afterwards, I suggested we give up the swinging thing, but my wife disagreed.
"You were right," she said, "it will bring us closer together."

The above picture has been digitally altered to protect the identity of those depicted therein. Quite frankly if it got out that they had been involved in this sort of thing, they would be in unfathomably deep shit as they are highly respected members of society. One is a senior cabinet minister, one is a serving magistrate and one of them is Mr. Duncan Penge of 22a Cashewnut Crescent London W12 and if his wife found out what he'd been up to, she'd kick his fucking head in. Not that anything actually happened at the party pictured above anyway... it was a rather drab affair that took place in 1992 and absolutely no sex took place that night whatsoever (apart from the lonely, miserable wank that Duncan had afterwards).