Life of Blob | Things

I tried to have an affair.
I thought: well if she's having one, it's only fair that I should have one as well.
I approached Imogen in the office. She had a reputation.
"My wife doesn't understand me," I told her.
"Face it, Bob," she said, "no-one understands you."
"No, I mean - she doesn't give me what I need."
She rolled her eyes, "If you want to have an affair, just ask. I won't bite your head off."
"I do," I said.
"There," she said, "that wasn't difficult, was it?"
"Right, when do we start?"
"Not so fast," she said, "if I'm going to be your mistress, you're going to have to buy me things. I mean, what do you think I am? Some kind of cheap slag?"
"No, of course not... what kind of things do you want me to buy for you?"
She rolled her eyes again. "Use your imagination."
I ended up buying her a fridge, two settees, a leather jumpsuit, some jetskis and a tumble drier.
But we never did get around to having that affair.