War

The country was at war.
It was on the telly, in the papers and everything. Everybody was talking about it.
I was concerned.
"Does this mean they're going to make me join the army?" I asked Roger.
"I wouldn't have thought so," Roger said, "It's not like they'd have much use for you."
He thought for a moment, then added: "you unbelievable spaz cock."
I was reassured.
"Thanks," I said, "I'm very grateful."
"Although, in saying that..." Roger continued, somewhat ambiguously, "you would be quite useful for clearing landmines."

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